Monday, December 31, 2001 :::
Parting Shot for 2001...
I spent some time with a guy a few days ago who just missed making it out of 2001 alive.
It is a known fact that I don't put a tremendous amount of weight in the changing of years and calendars, but when I come face to face with the fragility of morality then, as a human, I am subject to certain psychological side effects.
The other afternoon, on Saturday the 29th, I was on patrol with the Denton County Sheriffs Department. I do this on a semi-regular basis and always on Saturdays. I hope to spend a little more time in 2002 talking about societal degradation I witness from the vantage point of a patrol car. This is the first time I have mentioned it and this will be brief.
The first assignment the other day was a floater in Lewisville Lake. There was some question as to the actual jurisdiction of the area so the department brass decided that it wouldn't hurt to have a county presence on the scene. We were dispatched directly from briefing to go baby-sit the floating corpse and hold off the media until the medical examiner arrived.
Once on the scene I was surprised to see no media whatsoever. There had been limited radio chatter about the event on the public frequencies that local law enforcement agencies use, so it was likely that they never even heard about it. By the time we had arrived, the Lewisville Fire Department had already begun putting the body that had spent the past 12 or so days underwater into a body bag. The bag, in addition to having a broken zipper, was cumbersome to maneuver up the embankment due to its extremely waterlogged occupant. I know this because immediately upon arriving I was asked to help drudge this corpse up out of the lake.
I don't really want to go into the details of what it was like to pull a dead body out of the lake. I will say that he was remarkably preserved for being almost two weeks dead. This was attributed to the cold water and its preservation abilities once under a certain temperature, according to the M.E. Had this been July.... it would be a different story entirely. While I don't want to focus on the condition or appearance of the corpse I will say that he looked tormented. I knew this even before I found out that he had shot himself with a small caliber handgun shortly after killing his mother and her two neighbors that same day in North Dallas. It was like his soul departed to hell directly through the bottom of the lake and twisted up his face on the way out.
Only a handful of days shy of a new year and he decided that his only option was the two most popular varieties from the -cide menu: homicide and suicide.
As we hoisted his body up on the shore and uncovered it for the medical examiner I remember thinking that he and I were destined to meet. We were both moving through the obstacles of our adult lives on a collision course to that point where we would make an association. He was a murderer. He was a psychotic. It is for these reasons that I felt relieved that our collision came as a chance post mortem meeting with me on the outside of the body bag with the broken zipper.
::: posted by Mike at 11:53 PM
Friday, December 14, 2001 :::
Ann Landers Panders To The Pretty
The circulation of Ann Landers columns is a fairly common practice. Before the age of vapid talk shows where pregnant lesbian acrobats were kicking their heroin habit to try to get back a lover that dis'ed them in high school, Ann were here. Anonymous letters from socially dysfunctional readers wondering what to do about the live-in brother-in-law that steals toilet paper and masturbates 13 hours a day or poems from 14 year old girls urging other teens to stay virgins. Like a Far Side cartoon, there was something for everybody. Despite the fact that there hasn't been an original situation or question presented in probably 20 years, the column has thrived. I don't want to spend too much space talking about the column itself because this is supposed to be about a specific column.
The following Ann Landers Column is from December 12, 2001. Part of the fun of reading Ann Landers is predicting exactly which piece of timeworn old-bitty advice she is going to pull from the well of limited responses. This takes some talent and sometimes some luck, but most of the time I can hit it right on the head. This time I was wrong, dead wrong.
Dear Ann Landers: Please say something in your column about appropriate work attire. There is a young woman in our office who has a nice figure, but she shows entirely too much of it. Everything she wears is skin-tight and low-cut. She favors skimpy tops with spaghetti straps, even in the winter. Sometimes the tops she wears are cropped a few inches above the waist, and her pants are slung a few inches below, so her belly button shows.
I could live with her exhibitionism, but when the weather is cold, she complains that she is freezing and turns up the thermostat in the office. The rest of us can't stand the heat. Don't tell me to complain to her supervisor. He thinks she is great looking and likes to see her prancing around like that.
I can't take one more day of 80 degrees in this office. Please tell me what to do. I am beside myself. -- Overheated in Denver
Ok...before I get to Ann's response I want to share what I thought she'd say. I thought her over-conservative- and probably ultra-republican- sentiments would get the best of her and she was going to tell "Overheated" to complain to management about the work environment being harassing because of favoritism to a pretty employee. But what she said was quite the opposite. When I read the letter it sounded like it was written by an insecure, under-sexed battle-axe with a poor self-concept and fat ankles. I have no way to prove this assertion; it was just a gut feeling. I was sure that Ann was going to hear this too and, knowing this is a key demographic for her, rally around this cry about unfair treatment. Ann's response threw me.
Dear Denver: It is apparent that the supervisor is on her side, so complaining will do no good. Have you spoken to the woman directly and explained the problem? She might be cooperative. If not, wear summer-weight clothes, preferably something with a jacket that can be removed, and if possible, a small electric fan on your desk might help. Ask your colleagues for their ideas. Maybe they can come up with something better.
The message was clear....the world gravitates around the needs and wants of pretty people. Pretty people are the movie and pretty people are the song. The rest of us are just fucking set decoration or backing vocals! Ann told "overheated" to dress in layers and while she was at it to prepare to conform to this world that rewards attractiveness as much as it punishes ugly. Not fair, not right, just true. Pretty will get the boy/girl. Pretty will get the promotion. Pretty will get what pretty wants. And, Pretty will determine the setting of the thermostat...even in hell.
I am guessing even "Overheated" was enraged by the response. I hope if Ann's response made her (or him) hot under the collar that the collar was attached to a removable layer...The hot babe is comfortable so forget about changing the room temperature to adjust to swelling rage!
::: posted by Mike at 9:55 AM
Thursday, December 13, 2001 :::
Freedom Of Speech on the Internet*
I am not a 1st amendment zealot. Even though I take very seriously my rights as they relate to my written or spoken word, I am not one to jump at shadows finding examples of tyrannical suppression in every fold. I just write. I don’t fear censorship. I revise myself to be correct only in terms of quality and accuracy and never in the name of social politics. And I avoid situations and/or venues where I feel like any of the freedoms to which I am entitled are threatened. This makes things simple and, for the most part, I like simple.
My buddy Joey called me up at work the other day to discuss web hosting. I happen to like my web hosting company quite a bit and have never had a problem or failure with their service. Joey had found a service company that he was interested in signing up for. He gave me the web address and I went for a look of their offerings. I was disturbed by what I found, even if it didn’t bother my friend.
The company was called Christian Web Host (aka ILOVEJESUS.COM) and as you can no doubt surmise from the name, they are run by Christians for Christians. Let me say plainly that I do not have a problem with Christians of any order or degree. I think that spiritual faith is a very personal thing between a person and their God. I am even a bigger fan when that God does not tell the worshipper to kill me and eat the flesh of my pets. That having been said I do want to point out something that a post from a few days ago illustrates: In order to receive favor from followers of Christ you must be prepared to forfeit something in return. More often than not that something you have to forfeit is your freedom.
The following lists some of the terms to host with Christian Web Host:
Policy and Service Guidelines
We want to provide the best possible service to our customers and to do so, we have to set forth some guidelines for everyone to follow. In the following terms, if you happen to see "ILoveJesus.com" or "Christian Web Host", it is the same as Christian Web Host, Inc. Even if you place your order by phone, you are bound by these terms and conditions. These terms and conditions override any email, chat session, or contact of any kind with any Christian Web Host, Inc. personnel. This Registration Agreement ("Agreement") also sets forth the terms and conditions of your use of Christian Web Host, Inc. (also known as Christian Web Host) to register a domain name on the Internet. This Agreement will become effective when accepted by Christian Web Host, Inc..
Christian Faith:
You agree that your site will not have anything on it that contradicts this:
§ the Bible is the only authoritative Word of God;
§ the only means of being cleansed from sin is through repentance and faith in the precious blood of Jesus Christ, which is essential for personal salvation (and not through our works)
Content:
All services provided by Christian Web Host, Inc. may be used for lawful purposes only. Transmission, storage, or presentation of any information, data or material in violation of any United States Federal, State or City law is prohibited. This includes, but is not limited to: copyrighted material, trademark, intellectual property, material we judge to be threatening or obscene, or material protected by trade secret and other statute without proper authorization. The subscriber agrees to indemnify and hold harmless Christian Web Host, Inc. from any claims resulting from the use of the service which damages the subscriber or any other party…
This terms of service goes on to say:
"Your site cannot promote demonic, occult, satanic, new age or anti-Christian values or beliefs; cannot promote pro-choice or pro-abortion views; cannot promote gay or lesbian lifestyle views; cannot promote a distorted view or faulty interpretation of the Holy Bible (we are not talking about disputes between KJV and NIV, we are talking of obvious misconstruing of God's Word such as saying that Jesus was not God) Not only can you not have offending material on your sites, but you cannot have links to any sites with offending material on them or material listed above. If links to any offending sites are found, we will ask you to remove them and if you do not comply, we will then have to remove your account from our server."
I think that I was speaking across a philosophical disconnect with Joey when I shared my feelings that a good deal on web service is not such a good deal when that deal circumvents your right to post whatever you want. He didn’t seemed to bothered by it largely because Joey is not what I would consider controversial by any means. The likelihood of him actually posting anything that would violate the terms of service is low, but that does little to change the fact that he couldn’t if he wanted to. In fact, in accordance with the terms of service, he would be unable to link to my site that has, on rare occasions, called the legitimacy of the Bible and organized religion into question.
In the end, this hardly seems like a good trade…10 bucks a month to be denied rights intended to be inalienable. Good thing there is that other right about choice.
::: posted by Mike at 10:16 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2001 :::
Rage Renewal
I learned yesterday that there is a tape floating around the higher ranks of our nation's leadership in Washington. The tape apparently displays this year's - and possibly this decade's, though I can't see myself giving him credit beyond that - Front-page Boogieman, Osama bin Laden, showing pleasant surprise at the full devastation brought to bare against the World Trade Center. As I listened to the talking heads doing their spiel, it occurred to me that the leaders of our nation have recognized the growing disinterest of our nation in an event that was so long ago (3 months is an eternity to our flashbulb attention span). This leaves the government in a tight spot.
Remember back when a fever of patriotic pride was pushing the mercury up into the Hot Zone? Back when Big Business was falling all over themselves to release commercials that told us how much they cared about us. Back when millions of Americans dressed themselves in cute little pins, painted their cars in the war paint of the stars and stripes, and adorned their homes with flags. Remember way back then when we were afire with nationalistic pride? Well, our government remembers it too. They remember it because it was in that eruption of pro-America fervor, in that public outcry for "Don't Tread On Me" spending packages that sacks of money were being churned out of the Congress on a conveyor belt of legislative catharsis. Now, with that swell of gusto subsiding, we are on the verge of the kind of deficit spending that hasn't been seen in years. They wrote the checks that make folks who run for re-election nervous.
So far this war has cost us billions. That is all right for now because public sentiment, while not anywhere near where it was 3 months ago, is still behind the war. But if the brain trust of advisors that run our government are anything, they are forward thinking. They are all about making moves that look good today and that will still look good on the cover of Newsweek tomorrow. What if American voters just stop caring or, worse, are forced to face a tax hike. Enter this tape that shows the sadistic and murderous grin of the mad scientist of social chaos.
How is it that now, all of a sudden, there is an issue with showing this tape? Why are there conversations at high levels about whether to release the tape or not when only a few months ago every opportunity to put video of that man on television was met with enthusiasm? It is because back then we needed an enemy to blame for our pain. Back when the shit was still turning on the fan blades we needed a face to assign to our new enemy so it was Lights, Camera, Action! It is a different story now as government scrambles to craft public opinion.
You see our rage is all but gone. Our fire to seek and destroy at all costs is wavering so if the government leaders are going to keep this thing alive as a resume entry for re-elections then they have to make sure that the rage lives on indefinitely. Every once and awhile they need to stoke our coals of hurt and reinvigorate our desires for vengeance.
The first step is to secure the tape in such a way that the media cannot or, if strong-armed properly, will not show it without a green light from the White House. The next step is to tell the people of America, through the media, the old “I Know Something You Don’t Know” and then say they can’t show us because we need to be protected. Well, Americans aren’t going to stand for this. No, they are going to bang down the door of the White House demanding to see it. How dare anybody keep this from us! With blood already up, we see this tape and our rage is renewed. Where before it would have slipped and slid down the river of sound-bytes and Internet video clips, now it’s an issue and a matter of democratic principle. I have to say; it’s brilliant spin doctoring.
This tape does not show the devil. It does not give us anything we didn’t already have. It is simply a tool put to work by talented opinion shapers who want to make sure our rage doesn’t die.
::: posted by Mike at 9:48 AM
Thursday, December 06, 2001 :::
Speaking of fear-mongering, not only is it monetarily profitable - evidently it can result in a knighthood, too! ...and me without my soapbox and my ultra-conservative, ridiculously closed-minded, bullshit opinions!
::: posted by MetalCat at 1:58 PM
Wednesday, December 05, 2001 :::
My friend writes to me:
To quote FDR's dictum: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Do you believe that Mike?
Surely there are truly fearsome realities (possibilities for now, but realities sooner or later). Right?
Pain, failure, tragedy, costly mistakes of those with roles of social responsibility, even romantic letdowns are all fearsome things.
But what attitude should we take in the meantime, until we are struck down? Should we cower in fear and resignation? If we surrender the fight before a single blow is dealt, waiting for these terrors to do us in, we fall prey to their advancing shadows before they even break the horizon.
We might decide to venture out despite the lowering clouds of future death and disappointment; to gain as much ground as possible before we become another notch on the Reapers scythe. We might exult in the triumph of being alive even as the chill mist of death begins to gather.
Or we might cop out and sell our souls to those who will trade empty promises of comfort for security and obedience. These are the authoritative establishments, especially the religious authorities. They claim to protect us from things we fear.
Do we fear death? No problem. They will issue us a reserve ticket to heaven. But the price is high, Mike. The price is our freedom. We must do what these religious bigwigs command for fear of losing that ticket! It is an empty, fraudulent deliverance from fear that they promise.
It is funny how fear escalates. Fear of death becomes fear of eternal hell!
I need some feedback.
My Response To My Friend:
You see (NAME WITHHELD), it's like this....
Fear costs nothing. It costs nothing but if managed properly can reap wealth beyond measure. Everything you have described is the calling card of the fear-mongering highwaymen who seek to profit by exploiting yesterday's realities into tomorrow's insurance premiums.
It's a business, pure and simple.
That goes for saving souls as well. The principle remains the same whether discussing a dented fender or an externally damned soul. Pay the piper and dance all the way home.
My Response To Myself:
I hope I didn't let my friend down.
::: posted by Mike at 10:48 AM
Tuesday, December 04, 2001 :::
The Compulsion To Tinker
It wasn't broken. And if there is an elder King to all "old sayings" it would have to be the one that says if it is not broken, don't fuck with it. But they don't listen to old sayings, do they? They don't listen to old sayings any more than they study their own history. Because if they did read their own history they would see that tinkering with the tried and true formula that has consistently spawned success ends badly. Instead, they gather up idiots that no one else will listen to in real life asking them proactive questions of modern consumerism and, in the end, announce them to be a most helpful "focus group" just before running off to plague the nation with another half-baked gimmick that caters to the incredibly short attention span of the America consumer.
I am speaking, of course, about the soft drink industry's newly rolled out brainchild...the cola with a twist of lemon. My dear sweet and precious God, what are they thinking? I know this is not in league with the decision in the 1980s to make a New Coke, but it is still pretty silly.
The soft drink industry is not telecommunications, or computer engineering, or even internet porn...it is not supposed to be a breeding ground of innovation and advancement. It is suppose to be the mindless manufacture of gallons and gallons of caffeinated sugar water. Take away the impressive global headquarters buildings, the private jets, and the endorsements to hard body pop stars and that's what you get: gallons and gallons of a product that the world could survive without. So why is it now, after all these years of cola consumption, that we need lemon flavoring dumped into the mix? Why the urge to transmute a standard into a bitched-up version that panders to a small percentage of the population? Enter the "Market Research Group", always the first step in the perversion of any product.
Market Research indicates that lemon will track well in key demographics of cola consumers between the ages of 2 and 72.
Market Research has shown that Americans need another movie about Vampire Teenagers and their problems adjusting to college life.
Market Research strongly suggests that America needs a breath mint so strong that the tongue will actually be afflicted with frostbite.
In the interest of a little research of my own I bought a 12 ounce bottle of Diet Coke Lemon. It tasted like someone dumped Ajax into my Diet Coke. It tasted like a chemical burn. I could be wrong, but a year from now I don't see Diet Coke Lemon on the shelves, I don't see it in the restaurants, and I don't see it in the vending machines. I do see it, however, in the necropolis of all other failed marketing gimmicks of the soft drink industry three plots over from Clear Pepsi, six over from New Coke, and right next to massive sepulture that houses the remains of Jolt Cola.
::: posted by Mike at 8:59 AM
